ASK MI’ESHA: MY DADAND I ARE NOT CLOSE AND THAT BROTHER’S ME.
QUESTION: MY DAD AND I ARE NOT CLOSE AND THAT BOTHERS ME. I KEEP MY DISTANCE AS A WAY TO PROTECT MYSELF BECAUSE HE ALWAYS LETS ME DOWN. IS IT BEST TO GIVE UP HOPE OR CONTINUE TO TRY FOR A RELATIONSHIP KNOWING THE RISKS?
First let me say thank you Dee for submitting your question. I have so many questions that I know I will not get the answers to but instead of me asking them to get answers from you, I will just pose a few to get you to reflect on:
Were you two ever close, if so why aren’t you close anymore?
What is it exactly that you desire from the relationship? Be as specific as possible.
How do you think the relationship will help you be a better woman?
What substance will it add to your life?
What have you tried in the past to mend your relationship with him?
So let me get right to it.
As women who grow up without fathers or who have a strained relationship with our fathers, it brings a lot of stress and baggage with us no matter where we go. Too often we hold on to what could’ve been or should’ve been had we had our fathers, and we sometimes let that transpire into our relationships
I am a firm believer of everything happens for a reason and I know too well that that reason is not always plastered right in front of us to see it. While I do want you to protect your heart from the detrimental effects it has already had on you and what may happen in the future, I do not think you should completely give up hope…just yet.
People are dropping like flies each and everyday and what I don’t want is for something to happen whenever God calls him home and you still have unresolved emotions surrounding your relationship with your dad. I would encourage you to sit down in a quiet place with no distractions and write a letter to him pouring your heart and soul out. If you are having trouble finding the words, simply ask God to help you and lead you on what to write. Leave nothing unsaid.
If it’s in your mind or heart, put it on paper. If it makes you mad, sad, pissed, angry, want to curse write it.
By writing this letter to him, you are able to get out all of your feelings without feeling like you can’t 100% express yourself to him face to face.
Once you write the letter, send it to him or if you live near him deliver it to him and have him read it while you wait. Now I understand if watching him read it will be difficult. If you can’t stand to watch his reaction, leave.
The purpose of writing the letter is not only therapeutic for you in that you can get all of it out, but it also shows your dad how much his lack of involvement in your life has affected you.
Now, once he reads it, if he has no response, then you should let it go and just continue to pray that God opens his eyes, ears heart, mind, and soul to what it is you have said.
At the end of the day, your dad will never be able to say he never knew how you felt, or how his lack of involvement has affected you.
Blessings to you,
“There is a time for everything and a season… a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up.”
– Ecclesiastes 3:3
Feel free to ask me any questions related to life, spirituality, motivation, or anything else that comes to mind.
For those who have met me in person, you know I always give it to you, straight, no chaser.
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